the means to an end

Dammit.

2005-07-02T13:40:00.000-07:00

I just want someone I can talk to, and stand to be around for more than
five
goddamn
minutes.

I still don't quite understand the importance of waking up in the morning. It's jsut something I (and several other billion people) do simply because it's what's ''supposed to be done'', which always thought to be poor reason to do anything. I tend to base my waking on other people -- OH, I better get up, there's a show tonight, or a person I get to see at school sometime between 12:35 and 12:45 -- which seems equally silly.

I'm slowly draining my boxes of memories. I retain them in my head, and the physical reminders are not necessary and just clutter my habitat.

Underwater Cinematographers.

2005-06-01T23:36:00.000-07:00

I'm going to start by listening to Brand New, The Postal Service, and Glassjaw all summer, maybe some Thursday, too.

God, I miss 14 year old me.

----
Kari's show-friend from her freshman year at ASU died in an vehicle accident. I still am unable to wrap my head around such things.

The best way to get famous is to run away.

2005-05-30T11:29:00.000-07:00

I miss who wrote in this blog.

I am going to try to trace my steps back to who she was.

Please don't mind.

2004-11-17T17:10:00.000-07:00

Up My Alley

2004-11-17T16:36:00.000-07:00

I think that the filler part of "My Paper Heart" by All American Rejects is a work of genius. I'm going to keep listening to it over and over because it makes me feel better. Yes, that was a delibrate, "Fuck you."

I miss the old group. The group that didn't spend all day in Laura's office. The group that used to spend hours at the park, or Denny's, or Starbucks, or driving. I know none of you have died, but you've certainly all changed. It's hard to get everyone together when you were the one who was always collected when there were outings. Perhaps when April comes, that will change. I hate having these memories of good times. I feel guilty for moving on.

I hate that I can't listen to you sing anymore without getting that cry-lump in my throat, and angrily clicking "next track".

I hate that you're so far away, and that I saved all of your emails. "Would you mind if one day I walked home with you?" This was uncomfortable for me because I had no confidence. This sounds so perfect now because it proves you were listening to me, and respected my space, two things which my most recent relationship lacked.

Goddamn retrospect.

SAPPY.

2004-11-11T23:08:00.000-07:00

I want to tell,
I hope,
I wish to tell,
'Cause I'm in club hell
where I'm the only freakin' member.

my brand new fashion of waking up with pants on at four in the afternoon.

2004-10-31T15:49:00.000-07:00

If you really love me you'll buy me a shirt from one of the following places:

Full Bleed-- Either "Handshake", "Business As Usual", or "Spinaltap", size small.
Useless Division-- "Microphones", in mustard yellow, girls size M.
This Providence-- "Let Us Be Your Scene", size small
Engrish Store-- "I Hate Myself And I Want To Die", size small
Barsuk Rec. Store-- The Travistan CD and shirt set, red, size small

Your love + me = t-shirt.

Streamers

2004-10-26T16:45:00.000-07:00

Last Friday was my one year blogging anniversary with www.kiefer.blogspot.com.

I forgot, even though I wrote it on my calendar.
It also found out that I'd been cheating on it with LiveJournal.

I've been sleeping on the e-couch.
I need some support..

I've become arrogant about my letter-writing abilities.

2004-10-15T15:54:00.000-07:00

Today is the last Friday of fall break. I'm totally disappointed with how I spent my time.

Plenty of paper

2004-10-10T02:19:00.000-07:00

Working (volunteering for tips) at Modified is far cooler than anything you could think to do on a Saturday night. I made around 8 bucks, AND I got to talk to all the cute people, especially those who work at Stinkweeds and/or That's A Wrap.

EIGHT BUCKS!

I need a real job.

A house on fire and massacre all over

2004-10-06T19:16:00.000-07:00

Eisley is in two days.
Peachcake is in three days.

I don't which I'm more excited for.

Fall break is next week. I'll be gone from Sunday until Tuesday evening.

So... Who wants to hang out?!
I don't want to waste my free time sitting at my computer.

The new Jimmy Eat World should come out sooooooon. Perhaps I will purchase it from Zia, and get the mystery surprise...

I fall asleep with my friends around me
Only place I feel safe
I'm gonna call this home.

Hah. The Used was on MTV2, and Bert McCracken was telling this story about how they were driving by a Tower Records the night before their record was supposed to come out. Thinking the incrediblely long line outside the store was for their record release, Bert runs up to them, and all these "mod kids" look at him like he's nuts. "What is this guy doing?" "Guys, I'm... Bert McCracken, ya know..." "Dude, Interpol's doing a signing."

MUAH HAH HAH.

It took a lifespan with no cell mate.

2004-09-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

My supposed sexual conduit is not acting very proficiently to achieve my goal. The goal man is not able to match my name with my face.

Yet.

You've got this silly way of keeping me on the edge of my seat.

Hello, my name is Shelby...

2004-09-19T22:36:00.000-07:00

and I have problems with boys.

FINALLY, someone likes me, and I STILL screw it up. SQUARED.

I ain't dyin'

2004-09-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

I'm excited for Friday.

That's all.

Everything that keeps me together is falling apart.

2004-09-12T22:40:00.000-07:00

I've got this thing that I consider my only art of fucking people over.
My boss just quit the job,
says he's goin' out to find blind spots, and he'll do it.
The third planet is sure that they're being watched,
by an eye in the sky that can't be stopped.
When you get to the promise land,
you're gonna shake that eye's hand.

Your heart felt good.
It was drippin' pitch, and made of wood.
And your hands and knees
felt cold and wet on the grass to me.
Outside naked, shiverin', looking blue,
from the cold sunlight that's reflected off the moon.
Baby cum angels fly around you
reminding you we used to be
three and not just two.

A third had just been made,
and we were swimming in the water.
We didn't know then, was it a son? Was it a daughter?
When it occurred to me that the animals are swimming
around in the water
in the oceans in our bodies
and another had been found
another ocean on the planet
Given that our blood is just like the Atlantic.
And how.

The universe is shaped exactly like the Earth,
if you go straight long enough, you'll end up where you were.

And that's how the world began.
And that's how the world will end.

In harrowing detail.

2004-09-11T13:26:00.000-07:00

"If your family doesn't treat you like a precious, beautiful thing, no one else will..." I learn so much from other people's conversations. My mother never teaches me anything about life anymore. I feel it's unfair to live with such a good-for-the-sake-of-goodness person.

Oh, ladies, pleasant and demure,
sallow-cheeked and sure,
I can see your undies.
And all the boys you drag about,
an empty fellow found
from Saturdays to Mondays.
You hill and valley crowd,
hanging your trousers down at heel.
This is the realest thing.

I keep getting mail from Cochise College and it makes me really sad because I know how close I am to leaving home. i don't know what I'm going to do without shows, though. That's what I had been looking forward to ASU for: Tempe. )Just like Kari.) However, I've found that I can take classes not only in Douglas (5 hours from Phoenix, near the Mexico border), which I orginally thought, but in Tucson and Sierra Vista (between Douglas and Tucson, 3 hours from Phoenix) as well. How scary.
I'm also unable to get anything above a 3.6, best case scenario (i.e. summer school and all As). Therefore, I'm not going to crazy overwork myself, and start working on becoming a merit scholar (woo, PSATs).

I need to buy my Eisley tickets.

My half birthday is in a week. Vicky and I are having a split-celebration/fifth date and seeing Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow on HER half birthday.

I wonder what the art exhibit plan is. I'm really excited to hang out with Morgan, and get all fancy schmancy.

I might be going to Peachcake today, too. (And the plot thickens.)

2004-09-09T21:08:00.000-07:00

"Everybody thinks about it at some point."
"How would you do it?"
"I dont know, I guess I haven't really thought of it."
"But see once it's in your head though, you become this strange new breed; a life form that loves to fantasize about its own demise. Make a stupid remark? Kill yourself. Like the film? You live. Miss the train? Kill youreslf."
- Girl, Interrupted

This Is A Long Drive For Someone With Nothing To Think About

2004-09-05T13:40:00.000-07:00

Good mood.
Good grades.
In love with new music. (Modest Mouse)
Dr. Pepper at home.
Justin visiting.
Truth or dare in the back backyard.
Cuddling with the best people in the world.
Really liking a new boy.
Finding people with good souls.
Digital cameras.
Forgetting what hurts.
Tire swings.
Almost Peachcake.
Red rover.
Hugs recieved.
Hugs given.
Hugs wanted.
Amelie.
Love.

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The days get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

Where my mind states

2004-08-27T18:59:00.000-07:00

I think that no one really wants a flower picures frame, or a Japanesse NFG shirt.

I think that I miss going to rock shows.
I think I'm going to Incubus with Kari in a while.
I think I miss having CDs change my life.
I think that feeling songs vibrate through my hands and feet is one of the most pleasant experiences I'll have.

I think that I am going to have too much money, too soon.
I think that money is stupid.
I think that money buys stupid stuff.

I think my computer is stupid for deleteing my clips of Steven and Tara and Morgan and Daniel, etc.
I think Steven is being stupid.
I think I'm going to miss Leanne.
I think I already miss Morgan.
I think Daniel is fantastic.
I think Tara got me sick.

I think I'm a bad friend.
I think things with Vicky are weird right now.
I think Justin will never come back.

I think that bubble wrap and cardoboard wrapping paper tubes are some of the most simple happiness-es one can find.
I think PayPal just wants to stress me out.
I think I might drop art because I'm not good at it anymore.

I think Brand New should stay the same forever.
I think I'd get bored with that.

I think Trainspotting is fantastic.
I think Sick Boy is too beautiful for words.

I think that walking 18 blocks is a nice way to spend a Friday afternoon.
I think that I'll take the bus tomorrow.

I think that Aidy and Marc are really cool because they got to see Interpol two days ago.
I think that Interpol are great.
I think my new Interpol buttons are great.

I think I drink too much soda.
I think I should exercize more.

I think you should stop whining so much.
I think I do it too.

I think I will read today.
I think Cat's Cradle is a good book.

I think you don't know you make me cry sometimes.
I think you don't know he makes me sad.
I think you don't understand that I hte people leaving/being gone too.
I think you complain too much about it.
I think this doesn't make me much better a person.

I think my physics test went poorly.
I think my math test went well.
I think English is easy.
I missed art and American history today.
I think Am. His. is hard.

I think I might be a typical punk rocker.

I think you are funny.
I think I took advantage of you today.
I think I ditched you today.

I think I'm sorry.

Sexual jealousy is an in-built component in a friendship with Sick Boy.

2004-08-25T08:51:00.000-07:00

I bought the Director's Edition of TRainspotting from Hoodlums today for $8, and three CDs.

So, given that I really wanted this movie, my computer obviously doesn't feel it necessary to play it for me.

I hate you, too.

I spent three hours at ASU.

Jude Law Needs To Calm Down

2004-08-22T08:36:00.000-07:00

I'm seeing each one of these just because of his appearance in them: (links are to trailers)

September 17th, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (With Angelina, Vicky.)
October 1st, I Heart Huckabees
October 22nd, Alfie
December 3rd, Closer (WITH NATALIE PORTMAN!)
December 17th, Aviator
December 17th, A Series of Unfortunate Events

Days like these can stick around.

2004-08-21T00:04:00.000-07:00

I've been concentrating more on the good things about my days, and dismissing the bad. This seems to make days absolutely wonderful. I'm getting along very well with my peers, teaches, and self. I've been sticking to my commitments (sorry Randy!), and feel better about myself with each accomplishment.

I saw Garden State again with my favorite people. I love that movie. It makes me feel so... connected to my friends, but lonely at the same time. It's definitely changed my outlook on situations. (See previous paragraph.)

Your smile makes my stomach float. Vicky tells me crushes are bad once you realize there isn't a chance of anything coming of them.

How do I tell?

Hello...

2004-08-18T15:14:00.000-07:00

My name is Shelby and I think I belong here.

I've just begun my fifth semester of highschool. I have friends (who really don't plan to wear the same color on the same day) whose absense would make my day far too bland for my liking. However, I seem to be majorly handicapped when it comes to making friends with people I don't already know, and especially those i don't know who want to know me. This year, I'm taking one AP class, one art class, accelerated core classes, and I TA for one of the coolest adults in the world.

I'm in the process of stripping my room (and my mind, in turn) of clutter. Check ebay.

Expect more updates here soon. REAL updates, not those pink packeted ones you put in your coffee.

Admit it.

2004-08-07T09:14:00.000-07:00

Things I have to do:
- ~~Finish Huck Finn chapter summaries. (Monday)~~
- Finish boom project (Sept. 23)
- ~~Put junk on ebay~~
- Send Tori Thursday shirt (when I get the check)
- Get stuff from "to buy" list (when I get the single money)
- Write reviews for Randy's magazine (Suggestions?)
- ...? (when you give me something to do.)

WOOEY.

2004-08-02T13:29:00.000-07:00

Buy the new Say Anything CD from Lumberjack and get a FREE t-shirt!

Check out Say Anything's PureVolume site! A new song added each day until the album comes out August 4th!

Ma-ah-haps. Ma-ah-haps.

2004-07-30T23:32:00.000-07:00

Wait, they don't love you like I love you.

Someone, Please, Teach Me How To Swim

2004-07-25T01:17:00.000-07:00

I had a dream about this man's swiveling hips last night:

This is Geoff Rickly. He is the lead singer of Thursday. Anyone who has seen him perform can attest to his hip swivel.

See, I was going to see them at Marquee Theatre. The opening band was some father and son duo I had no interest in seeing, so I hung outside and waited.
When they were finished, I snuck in, taking opportunities presented by the lack of attention on the part of the ticket-takers. The stage was arranged in the heart walk-around like U2 had at the Elevation tour, which was very strange. I squeezed inbetween this heart-shaped ramp, and some guys Mexican blanket and hammock. During this rather difficult postitioning, the guy with the blanket and hammock says, "Love, you're not going to fit here," and he pointed to the other side of him, clearly cramped up. I told him I intended to situate myself on the opposite side of him, and he shrugged, and jostled around to try to give me a few centimeters more room.
Finally, Geoff came out (Yes, just Geoff, not the whole band) and decided to perform only with the father and son duo. They took there places in front of the microphones, and grapped hold of them. However, all of the sudden, the mics turned into canes, the outfits the performers were wearing change into red and white striped suits, and they began singing like a barber quartet... with three people. They do the whole tap, jazz-hand, vocal shading deal, which in itself is quite funny, but then they start sliding around the stage on their socks. (Like little kids do on kitchen floors.) This is where I woke up.

I wish I had gone to Warped Tour now, or that they were playing the Curiosa date here just to see if there was any truth to this.

There's beauty in the breakdown

2004-07-18T19:52:00.000-07:00

->I can't wait for Garden State to come out. Click here to watch the ridiculously wonderful trailers, and here for the official page.

->My computer is happy again.

->Go here for my Europe pictures.

->Morgan is the bestest, and (not because) she bought me these:

Home, and vigorously toweling off

2004-07-16T01:41:00.000-07:00

On June fifteenth, at some indecent hour of the morning, I got on an airplane, flew to Long Island, NY (home of Brand New, my favorite form of lovliness), then, got on another plane, flew into London.

We explored England for a bit. Driving on the opposite side of the road is not that cool. However, they drive very quickly, and the roads are much more efficient, using round-a-bouts instead of poorlu time stop lights at every intersection. We stayed in various Travel Inns, which were not supplied with caffenated coffee, much to my parents displeasure. While there, we saw the Globe Theatre, many bridges, and a couple of other, uninteresting, old places.

We gathered our things, and sped up to, then around in, Scotland, which is beautiful. We visted Lochness, which is pretty much as lame as lame can be. Edinburgh (edin-bur-uh) reminded me of Portland. We went into the Edinburgh castle, and walked the Royal Mile. It is pretty ridiculous to pay 30 pounds ($60) for four of us to see a castle. My dad and I agree that they should put on scenes of people invading the castle, scaling the walls, "firing" the cannons, etc. I mean, you pay about the same amount to get into Disneyland, and everyone's dressed up there, acting out parts and such. It's only fair. Hell, we went to the British Air Force museum (which was rad as hell), and they put on a staged performance. Aside from that, I loved the way they talked. If I could go back to one place, Scotland would be it.

We then returned to London so I could torture my father by going into one (count them, one) art museum, which was mostly made up of broken piano pieces glued to a wall, or unmade beds, which does not stand well for me and my art interest. We also took a hop-on-hop-off double decker bus tour, which was pretty neat in spite of my pride. We went to another flight museum, which was equally rad as hell.

We then sent my dad home so he could work to pay for our trip.

My mother, sister, and I flew from London to Amsterdam. It was so laid back there. We wemt to an art museum whose name i cannot remember, and the Van Gogh museum, both claiming to have the best of a certain artist, but severly lacking. From there, we mucked about in the other cities in the Netherlands, then returned so my mother could speak about the research she's been doing (which was the entire point of this trip).

We trained from Amsterdam to Brugge (brewsh), Belgium, where they were much more kind to us Yanks.

We trained from there to Paris, which was disappointing. Far dirtier, far poorer, and far more dangerous (concerning theft). We saw the Eiffel Tower, which is overrated to all hell, and is not black, but brown. We climbed all the way to the top in the rain, which, of course, was cold and left my sister feeling ridiculous in shorts. We saw the Palace of Versailles, which I liked a whole lot.

We took a small trip on the night train to Germany for three hours to see a concentration camp that also disappointed me. then we took th eight hour train back to Paris.

From Paris, we flew back to London. In London, we spent the last day shopping, me in HMV, Sarah in H&M (though I did get some hot pants. Not hot-pants, mind you.). We also watched this crazy fantastic mystery television program.

We flew from London, England, to Newark, NJ and stayed in the airport for eightish hours, unable to sleep, in the middle of the night. We then got on another plan to take us to Phoenix, where Leanne met us, drove us home, then spent the rest of the day with us.

Of course, this is the same day my mother decides to schedule a dermatologist appointment, after I've spent roughly fourty hours awake.

Eh. So, around 9:45, I had three visitors in my side yard, who I procurred a big slice of happiness from.

Next morning, 4:30 am, wake up, get on a four hour flight to see grandparents in Seattle, who have control issues, to say the least. The week I spent there felt longer than the three spent in Europe. Yugh.

I am home now. My 6 rolls of film are at Walmart being developed. I have read four books. I have bought 7. I have billions of subway tickets that I am turning into an art project.

If there's something you'd like to know that I forgot, ask me.

There's one who cares for me today.

2004-06-14T23:43:00.000-07:00

Well, as the night dwindles away, I am polishing off my last-minute preparations for what, I hope, will be an experience that I will stay with me until I am graying and widening and remembering my salad days.

I have six rolls of film.
7 days worth of clothes.
Two books, a notebook, my CD player, iPod, CDs, batteries, charger, pen, and pencil.
My suitcase is very heavy, which is not good considering I'll be wearing it as a backpack while walking... and walking.

I bid you all farewell for a time. If I love you, and have your address, expect... something.

Searching...

2004-06-12T15:45:00.000-07:00

Has anyone seen my Cornell University sweatshirt? It has gone missing and I need a sweatshirt that feels like home for the numerous train rides I'll be taking in a short while.

I NEED THAT SWEATSHIRT.

One ticket to see Bright Eyes in England, please.

2004-06-10T17:50:00.000-07:00

( If I knew you could save my life, I'd not have let myself die. )

Forget everything you think you know about me.

2004-06-08T04:11:00.000-07:00

So, three (could-have-been-five) shows, three CDs, one DVD, one street team, two websites, one LiveJournal community, six autographs, four rolls of film, three buttons (now two. RIP Jude Law/Brand New button), thirty-eight AIM buddies, plenty of emails, several friends (spanning the US), three t-shirts, a pair of shoelaces, thousands of quotes and interviews, one hoodie, and nearly sixty songs later, Brand New still make me happy.

Just thought you all should know.

(They are in studio for the next few months! Then new album! Then new album release tour! Then post-album release tour! Then post-album "new-found" Brand New lovin'! I can't wait.)

I think I've got this figured out... then you go an change it.

2004-06-06T21:20:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving the fifteenth of June to go to Europe.

We're venturing around England: London, Bath, Edinburgh, Kent, and York in the span of a "weekish". During this weekish, I am going to try and convince my mom to let me see Bright Eyes who is playing three dates in England the weekish we're there.
Then driving around Scotland for another weekish. My dad wants to get in touch with his (and my) heritage.
Then we are in Amsterdam for an actual week (06/26-07/02) for my mom's presentation/confrence.
Then we're in Paris, France for a day. I want to see the Museum of Picasso, which, oddly, is not in Spain, as would make sense.
Then Berlin, Germany for a day. I don't really know why.
Then another city in Germany to see a concentration camp turned museum, brought on by my sister.
Then training and Chunneling back to London in order to fly back home (07/07).
Then breathing. Sometimes you have to do that to survive.
Then get back on a plane (7/8) and head to Seattle and Bainbridge Island until the fifteenth. (<-- This is bad because it means I miss the Straylight Run show on 07/12)

There's a whole mess of train taking, and train sleeping in between quite a few of these, but I have no idea when and where.

____

I saw Harry Potter. Twice. I have a lot of complaints. They should have consulted me before they made the movie.

I don't miss you.

2004-06-03T16:33:00.000-07:00

I don't want to wreck the mood.

2004-06-01T21:37:00.000-07:00

If you only listen to one thing I say, please check out the following bands:

Eisley
onelinedrawing
Spitalfield
VCR

I appreciate it.

Grand Theft Autumn

2004-05-31T16:53:00.000-07:00

I just tore off a page of my calendar that had nine things written on it: Coachella, Prom, GLSEN picnic, Justin, Ian Curtis, Finals, Finals, Peachcake, and alexisonfire. What a waste of paper, eh? I know I did more than that. Hell, there are already five things written on the June page and it hasn't even started yet.

Too many new things are happening at once:
I'm sick.
I'm taking an increased dosage of Accutane: three pills every other day.
I can't take all the pills with a meal because I haven't been hungry since my sickness started.
My hair is falling out.
I feel partially deaf.
I can't wear contacts (my "corneas are hell").
Glasses grant me no peripheral vision, and I thus feel like I'm wearing blinders.
I feel more like I am a disease, rather than just feeling ill.

This seems to pretty accurately describe my summer so far:
Someday I'll appreciate in value,
get off my ass and call you...
but for the meantime
I'll sport my brand new fashion
of waking up with pants on
at 4 in the afternoon.

Correspondance.

2004-05-24T13:40:00.000-07:00

I applied as a library page for summer and listed my old soccer coach and boss (I worked as a referee) as a previous employer. His league went out of business. This is the first time I've talked to him over the past year.

Rob-
How are you? Geez, it's been a while. Are you still involved in soccer? I've yet to return to the sport.

I guess I should get to the point: I wrote you in as a previous employer on my application to work at the library. They should be calling sometime this week. I hope that is all right. Say nice things about me. *grins*

We (my family and your family) should get together sometime. We miss you guys very much.

With love from,
Shelby.

He replied saying:

After the nightmare and massive indebtedness incurred I have been shying away from soccer. Some times I shudder when I see the word. I am hoping it will pass. I am working hard and soon will take time off. I adore you and your family and hope all is well with you. You are multi-talented so soccer can stay on the back burner. That is where I have it for the time being! Miss you Shelby.

ROB

PS- I have only good things to say of you.

Yay. : )

This is my 151st post of the Kiefer sort.

2004-05-23T12:45:00.000-07:00

this past few days I:

-->Found out if I get a 100% on my biology final, I'll have a 91.3, which is a B, which is L-A-M-E.
-->Found out I'm 53 points away from and A in history... and we only have 50 points left. PIMP F said he'd make a "professional decision" if I "Do my very, very, very, 100% best."
-->Took my composition final in Spanish.
-->Found out that I am one of my Spanish teacher's favorite students. Who knew.
-->Was told I should take Spanish Acl. 5-6. And then was flung into a spin of decisions that I have yet to finalize.
-->Have a solid B in math. 84-85%.
-->Found out that Julie had to get a 16% on the last math test in order to keep her C... and was still worried.
-->Helped Leanne clean her room, and filled two bags of recyclable materials, and one of trash, and still had a full room.
-->Deleted 5 GBs of information on my computer.
-->Fixed my computers mouse problems. (It decided I could move the pointer around, but not click anything. This was a problem.)
-->Went shopping for a bra and a dress for Lauren and Leanne.
-->I bought a replacement black jacket. (resembling my favorite one that I lost with my Brand New/ Jude Law button pinned on it.)
-->Sold my histoy review to Courtney for two dollars.
-->Got a very disappointly generic yearbook signature from my English teacher.
-->Found out Tara snorts coke.
-->Had a fever of 100.2.
-->Took a nap at Leanne's and had a REALLY REALLY good dinner.
-->Made Jamie's mix: "Before You Got Too Cool."
-->Bought two pairs of shorts: tan and green-grey.
-->Bought books necessary for school next year with the hamster-woman, Ms. Perry.
-->Returned my school calculator.
-->Completed and turned in my art final.
-->Cried at Eddie's last highschool show and didn't (couldn't) explain why.
-->Was absent from home when Eddie came by the next day.
-->Missed four periods of school due to headache, and walked part way to school only to be picked up by Teta/Forrest 15 minutes into my walk.
-->Oficially met Teta.
-->Went to second lunch with Randy and Justin.
-->Was called for an interview for the page postion at the juniper Branch Library.
-->Made vocabulary flashcards.
-->Found the issue of Entertainment Weekly with the Morrissey articles/picutes in my living room.
-->Sold my Brand New "Because mics are for singing, not swinging" hoodie for $30, ten dollars beneath what I paid for it.

2004-05-20T10:41:00.000-07:00

I Sherri-ified my desktop:

2004-05-16T18:06:00.000-07:00

with light bulbs in our pockets
we'll light this darkened forest

on the mossy turf, we'll dance till
our feet shatter, toes will splinter

tripping through the misty streams of light
so beautiful, i stare in awe

Pop this deal in yer DVD thingy, man. It'll blow yer freakin' face off.

2004-05-14T15:30:00.000-07:00

I was so distracted that I organized my DVDs by their obscure relationships with the one following and preceeding:

Star Wars Ep .1 --> Star Wars Ep. 2: Obvious.
Star Wars Ep. 2 --> Life as a House: Hayden Christensen
Life As a House --> Trainspotting: Ewan McGregor
Trainspotting --> Requiem For A Dream: Heroin
Requiem For A Dream --> 24-Hour Party People: Speed
24-Hour Party People --> Thirteen: Drugs
Thirteen --> Donnie Darko: [Associated] teen angst
Donnie Darko --> Amelie: Recieved in one Christmas wrapping
Amelie --> Say Anything: Romance
Say Anything --> High Fidelioty: John Cusack

We Stalk The Idle Kind

2004-05-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

I'm filling my life with things that make me smile uncontrollably:

Geeper, Leanne, Justin, Vicky and Randy
My music
Sherri Dupree (or at least her Xanga)
Amelie
Brand New's DVD
Morrissey
Morrissey, again
Drawing pictures in yearbooks
And saying things in them that actually mean something
Organizing my past artwork
Dancing
And laughing (...and finally living)
Bright green shirts
Black, semi-trench coats
Gatorade
¡Oye, Esteban!
Julie Mack
And her Mack attack
"I love you, Billy."
Welcoming eye contact
And conversations
Favorite pairs of pants
Europe in the summer
Chapstick

The grand return.

2004-05-05T21:23:00.000-07:00

I picked up my computer from Mike Elser today. He seemed skilled enough.

I've been distancing myself from my best friends at the expense of getting to know the strangerly ones. I don't think it is a good idea, and I will possibly regret it later, but, really, is there anyway not to regret something?

"I want to start a debate team."- my sister.
"You realize you'd have to let the other person talk, right?"- Geeper.
"Oh yeah. They can talk all they want; they'll just be wrong."- my sister.

Oh. Procrastination has struck once again. Blasted book projects.

This Is Our Emergency

2004-05-04T22:23:00.000-07:00

Coachella was awesome, by the way.

Eddie called me mean. I resent it. Dramatically, sarcastically, and condescendingly.

Eisley girl.

2004-05-04T15:44:00.000-07:00

Sherri is funny. Check it out.

MacMedia

2004-04-26T21:31:00.000-07:00

My computer is still MIA.

Sanctimonious

2004-04-21T21:46:00.000-07:00

I got $86.55 for a CD EP that I payed nothing for.

If you want, I'll take you out to lunch, or something.

Like a giant's robes upon a dwarfish thief

2004-04-21T17:18:00.000-07:00

And I'm drinking the ink from my pen
And I'm balancing history books up on my head
And it all boils down to one quotable phrase:
If you love something, give it away

A good woman will pick you apart
A box full of suggestions for a possible heart
And you may be offended, and you may be afraid
But don't walk away, don't walk away

Hypocritically devout

2004-04-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

You haven't called in a while and I'm starting to doubt myself as a human being.

I was worried this was going to happen.

Fuck professionalism.

2004-04-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

The only time it's beneficial to say you have a boyfriend is when a handicapped man you and your wonderful friend are walking across the street with suddenly stops and asks you if you've got one and that he has a hard time getting a girlfriend.

In other news, I have two extra tickets to the Ben Kweller and Death Cab show. If you want to go, let me know, and I'll hand one over. THERE'S A CATCH: You have to hang out with me at the show.

Between rupture and rapture.

2004-04-14T19:15:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day.

Eddie still has the drawing and the painting I did for him in summer.
Courtney says my art reminds her of Cory Law's.
Leah was impressed.
Nick was impressed.
Tara was impressed.

My alter-ego is a punk RAWKER. She's hawtt, and soon to be in a comic strip. [Ooh la la.] This made Mr. Henry laugh, and Pimp F uncomfortable. ["Is it decent?" No. I draw naked comic book characters of myself.]

Grant scared the crap out of me when I was walking home from school.

I'm helping my dad paint the various parts of my engine "Old Ford Blue #205".

My computer is still faultering in its attempts to start.

I bought new shoes for the skirt I bought a while ago. They are like ballet shoes, but shiney.

Apparently, if you use a condom that automatically means you're pregnant.

Mrs. Miller is a big idiot. Parasitism - the believe or practice of being/having a parasite. Parotism - the believe of practice of being/having a parot. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Leanne was sad today, and she won't tell me why. Hell, she won't talk to me at all.

Gray with the apple.

2004-04-13T18:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I found out that the first OS X virus was introduced through the iPod.

I have an iPod.
My computer has been losing memory capacity.
My computer has been freezing.
My computer won't start.

Coincidence?

Midas

2004-04-10T20:48:00.000-07:00

There's someone in the technology field out to get me. All things electronic hate me. Each one I touch goes to shit.

Sarah's computer: BEWARE.

Buff-mongous.

2004-04-10T16:02:00.000-07:00

Daniel really likes the mix I made him, er, everyone.

Being awoken by wood pecker in a chimney [resulting in the sound of a train coming straight at your head] is sort of a bad omen, and definitely not the way to end a wonderful evening.

I make things more complicated than they have to be. This applies to several situations.

Ben Folds and Belle & Sebastian provide a driving soundtrack for Leanne and I.

We made $122 in three wet, soapy hours.

______________________________________________________

It's times like this that I dread
When there's everything to say
And nothing left to be said.

Power play 101

2004-04-07T19:15:00.000-07:00

Would you like to host our benefit show?

Every joke I make is treason.

2004-04-05T21:10:00.000-07:00

My Saturdays (4/10, 4/17) minus one (4/24) are filled, plus one Sunday (4/11), one Tuesday (4/13), and two Fridays (4/16, 4/30).

Walks in the park are nice.
I can balance things on my head really well.
Ben Folsom is an all right guy.
People who are high are stupidly funny. I'm glad I don't spend much time around them. I'm sure it'd get under my skin.
Day of Silence is soon.
Cruel Intentions isn't half bad.
Yellow mixed with purple is brown.

RELAY FOR LIFE GARAGE SALE / GSA CAR WASH - 4/10
BENEFIT SHOW - 4/17

While Driving.

2004-04-01T21:17:00.000-07:00

More pictures ahead. ---->Click the image. [Yes. That is my crotch.]

Once yesterday has passed, there is nothing I can do about it.

2004-03-31T18:46:00.000-07:00

The Thunderbird Art Show is tomorrow.

You all should go.

Say you're with me. [That won't get you very far.]

Another excerpt from Player Piano...

2004-03-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

"You figure to be the new Messiah?" said Finnerty.

"Sometimes I think I'd like to be -- if only in self-defense. Also, it'd be a swell way to get rich. Trouble is, I can be sold or unsold on anything too easily. I enjoy being talked into something. Pretty shaky outlook for a Messiah. Besides, who ever heard of a short, fat, middle-aged Messiah with bad eyesight? And I haven't got that common touch. Frankly, the masses give me a pain in the tail, and I guess I show it." He made clucking sounds with his tongue. "I'm going to get myself a uniform, so I'll know what I think and stand for."

Getting over three-leaf clovers.

2004-03-27T20:25:00.000-07:00

Jon says, "How do you like Phoenix?"
After pausing to think, "There isn't any other place that I wouldn't have the same complaints: I don't like all of the people, it's too cold or too hot when I don't want it to be, I can't get things I want, or go to the places I want to be at. My reaction to my setting would basically be the same anywhere I was," I say, "It's fine..."
Why didn't I say what I was thinking?

These are the things that nag at me. They never really go away.

Honesty

2004-03-24T21:57:00.000-07:00

You Are Invited

2004-03-22T23:12:00.000-07:00

I hate to say you made me cry, because there isn't a true specific source.

I'm sorry, but I can't handle you reminding me of what I am not.

Studies In Insignificance

2004-03-21T18:04:00.000-07:00

The show last night was fantastic. Something Corporate played Konstantine, If I Die (!!!!!), and a cover of "Hey Ya".

Justin makes me smile. So do many people.

My iPod has decided it doesn't want me to disconnect it from my cmputer. This is bad. VERY bad.

So Beautiful.

2004-03-19T21:23:00.000-07:00

This weekend of a Wednesday/Thursday/Friday has been the happiest I can remember.

That's all the needs to be said: I am happy, especially when I'm with you, Leanne.

Thank you to those who helped make my day of birth absolutely wonderful. *muah*

The big ONE-fuckin'-FIVE.

2004-03-18T00:50:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday.

CLICK! [Absolute hawtness ensues.]

The Library Computers Hate Me

2004-03-16T18:54:00.000-07:00

But it's alll right because the feeling is fucking mutual.

: )

Hold on with a capital 'H'

2004-03-15T23:07:00.000-07:00

I'm making CDs for the Great Mix Exchange for the following people: Leanne, Steven, Marisa, Eddie, Sheila, Morgan, Christie, Grace, Andrew, and Sam.

If your name is not there, and you'd like it to, leave a comment below, IM me at notallcanwin, email me at xrunawayshoesx@hotmail.com, or run up to me, shake my shoulders, and vehemently express your desire(s).

That is all for today.

April 22, 2002

2004-03-14T22:19:00.000-07:00

I have a soft spot for the Spice Girls.

I tried to capitalize nearly all of the words in the previous sentence; reasons unknown.

I've come to the conclusion that there are no definite things. Everyone has their tastes. Anything I say can be taken offensively. Is this 'hate speech' if I don't intend for it to be? Probably. Am I wrong to express my displeasure at certain things? Probably. I'm going to work on tolerating, if not supporting, everything. How is that going to work? Let's see, I can not support Bush, but I can tolerate the people who do. Erm, I can... This is difficult.

I also realize that everything I say has been said before, is being said currently, or will be said sometime in the future. This cannot be avoided.

Would I be too emo and/or teenage girl-ish if I said that the only thing I wanted was someone I could hug who would hug me back?

Know Nothing Stays The Same

2004-03-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

This doesn't make me happy anymore.

Dun Dun Dun

2004-03-11T23:14:00.000-07:00

Guess who's grounded next quarter?

Yep. Me.

Punishment:
Increased parental nosieness.
Less free time
Few outings [But more than last quarter?]
More frequent grade check-ups

Relentments:
Increased faith in me. [Though, really, it's hard to not increase from zero.]
More trust in my free time activities [I'm not having sex? Doing drugs? I'm working out, reading, and arting.]
Coachella
My birthday
SoCo/The Format
Prom? [Are we all actually going?]

________

Hi. My name's Shelby and I'm about as creepy and inconsistant as they come. How can you stand me?

Porn groove.

2004-03-11T16:20:00.000-07:00

There is a new genre of music. [Or old, since I knew of it long ago, and have simply re-noticed it.] Maybe it'll catch on like punk rawk and emo.

I think it's HAWT.

'Taint natural to be lonesome.

2004-03-10T22:18:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes it is.

Yo era obediente.

2004-03-08T21:17:00.001-07:00

I feel like track is a waste of time:
> I go to practice
>> My hip hurts.
>>> I stop running.
>>>> People think I "can't handle it." [I CAN.]
>>>>> I don't get better.
>>>>>> I can't particiapte in the meets.
>>>>>>> My coaches pay no attention to me.
>>>>>>>> I go home and work out at the club.

Why am I participating, again?

I must confess, my main reasons for going at all are:
<<<<<< The off-chance that you might smile.
<<<<< And I might see it.
<<<< I love it when you smile.
<<< Even when it's not for me.
<< I like it when you're happy.
< I want to make you happy.

Aversion therapy

2004-03-07T20:29:00.000-07:00

Is it better to assume no one is listening or that everyone is watching?

"I'm sure you always feel my eyes on you. And I hope that you will never feel unwanted."

"A funny, savage appraisal of a totally automated American society of the future. "

2004-03-05T22:50:00.000-07:00

An excerpt from Player Piano:

"A saloon was close to the end of the bridge. Paul had to park his car a half-block away, for another crew was flushing out the storm sewers with an opened fire hydrant. This seemed to be a favorite undertaking. Whenever he had come to Homestead when the temperature had been above freezing, he'd found a hydrant going.

One big man, with an air of a proprieter, kept his hands on the wrench that controlled the folw. Another stood by as second-in-command of the water. All around them, and along the course of the water to the sewer mouth, a crowd stood watching. A dirty boy caught a scrap of paper skittering along the sidewalk, fashioned it into a crude boat, and launched it in the gutter. All eyes followed the craft with interest, seeming to wish it luck as it shot into the perilous rapids, as it snagged on a twig, spun free, shot into the swift deep main flow, mounted a crest for a triumphant instant, and plunged into the sewer.

'Uh!' grunted a man standing by Paul, as though he had been aboard the boat.

Paul worked his way through the crowd, which was continuous with the clientele of the saloon, and got to within one rank of the bar. His back was against an old player piano. No one seemed to recognize him. It would have been surprising if someone had, for, in line with his policy, he kept pretty much to his own side of the river and never permitted his name or picture to appear in the Illium Star-Tribute."

Stop Me If You Think That You've Heard This One Before

2004-03-04T20:41:00.000-07:00

Hi, my name's Shelby, and I like Thursday. A whole lot.

Oh, and The Smiths provide me with a rainy day soundtrack.

At least I don't have a stomach on my belly.

2004-03-02T21:09:00.000-07:00

I've encountered another person who thought me of the opposite gender. This may be due to my lack of hair and/or breastal mass.

Multiply this statement by 12 and you've got my day.

"The most courageous thing I've done is have a penis."

Procrastination

2004-02-29T20:26:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I'm even touching the can that says "Caffeine Free".

Or why I'm writing this.

"If you ever get mauled by bears, I hope they stay away from your face because I think you're cute."

2004-02-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

I updated my links. This one is my favorite.

Ben Folds Live has not left my CD player since last Tuesday. I'm not looking forward to returning it. I've also written all inside of Player Piano, thought I'm not finished yet, I doubt the library will be pleased.

I want Grace's little sister. [Her mom thinks we're "nice" and "well-groomed", and likes Sheila's face. She also does not think Steven IS or HAS a vagina. But when Daniel meets her, he'll have cancer.] Cranium is fun. A lot of fun. "I am Aisan."

How much of how well medicine works is in your head?

Can you sleep as the sound hits your ears?

2004-02-26T21:19:00.000-07:00

Can I just have everything I want?
Can I just realize this?

The answer is the same: no, I cannot.

Scratch my name on your arm with a fountain pen.

2004-02-25T20:55:00.000-07:00

This means you really love me.

I started reading Player Piano [Vonnegut] today. I read nearly one-fourth of it during my extra AIMS time. I finished an HOUR AND A HALF early. It's ri-god-damn-diculous.

I also went to the doctor's office today. They didn't tell me much of anything: it hurts. I won't be running for a while, which stinks. Oh, and track pictures were today and I'm pretty sure I look like big goon. As usual.

I printed out a young man's live journal. He's me, but in another body. I like reading about my life on the east coast with a penis.

Holes in clouds are minutes passing.

2004-02-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

You make me feel ugly. [plural.] Stop it.

Jon is really good at art [among other things, I'm sure], and I'm jealous beyond belief.

>>>>p.s. The Postal Service is great reading-before-sleeping music.

Getting things done.

2004-02-20T20:19:00.000-07:00

-->~~Spanish vocabulary (Mon, 23)~~
------>~~Math assignments (Thu, 26)~~
-->~~Bio pres. (Mon, 23)~~
-->~~Research STDs/re-do crossword (Mon, 23)~~
-->~~English essay (Mon, 23)~~
---->~~English bookproject (Wed, 25)~~
-->~~Make Sad Songs For Sad People: Love Is Just An Excuse To Get Hurt(Mon, 23)~~
>Tell Leanne that she's nothing short of amazing (soon)
>Order 'mixtape' tee (soon)
->Finish We Are A Brutal Kind (Sat, 21)
->Begin You Are Not Beautiful (Sat, 21)
>~~Call Eric~~ and tell him you're scared (soon)
>~~Watch Bowling For Columbine (soon)~~
----->Find out who friends are/
----->stop taking the initiative/
----->stop waiting for someone else to (a.s.a.p.)

Raps only sound good with a beat behind them.

2004-02-19T15:47:00.000-07:00

I'm so lost, I'm barely here.

I want to find my progressive passion. A passion that'll get me somewhere. I'm still fucking dreaming of New York. I'm still fucking staying up late finishing projects I don't even appreciate.

I know have to give blood once a month. Ah, what I'll do for clear skin...

It's too late to save me. You're too late.

Thank you, seventeen.

2004-02-17T21:14:00.000-07:00

For y'all's informa-cion, tomorrow is the second annual Shelby Appreciation Day.

Enjoy.

I'm closer to the ground than I will ever get to you.

2004-02-10T19:01:00.000-07:00

Due to my curiosity [and lack of anything, currently, important/interesting to say], please respond to the following questions:
Does anyone read this?
What is your name?
What led you here?
Why [god why] do you keep coming back?

Smile Lines

2004-02-09T21:50:00.000-07:00

Darling, all of these
awkward
jump-start
stalling
conversations
mean much more to me than anything.

open or torn?

2004-02-09T17:06:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, Christie (!!)

I'm slipping...

I'm trying not to think in reverse. It only makes me disappointed in myself.

I love flipping through the prom editions of magazines. Planning what to wear, who I'd be with, how beautiful everything would be...

A Good Man Is Hard To Find

2004-02-08T02:04:00.000-07:00

How to tell that the benefit was successful: I'm absolutely exhausted.

Morning update:
We raised a lot of money.
We had a lot of fun.
I can't hear out of my right ear.
I almost danced.
I fell asleep on the floor in my clothes. [Including socks and shoes.]

In other news, I feel more content with who I am. I'm improving in the social aspect of life, as well as gaining new knowledge by observation/interaction. [Feel free to ask me about that. Pronouns make the stories unclear.]

I'm going shopping and getting my hair cut today. Joy. [NOT.] There's an upside however: pretzel sticks and pizza sauce. MM.

Five weeks and counting

2004-02-05T17:31:00.000-07:00

My grades so far:
Spanish: 86.7% (B)
Math: 95% (A)
Biology: 85% (B, barely)
Art: 88.8% [also ranked 8th in the class] (B)
History: 93% (A)
English: 87% (B)

New reason to get good grades:The Coachella Festival. I'm so excited.

german-esque.

2004-02-02T21:04:00.000-07:00

>I want to talk to you more than anything. You give off this wonderful energy. Just seeing you, it rushes through and inside me. It's unexplainable... I want to talk to you more than anything, but I don't know what to say.

>I've always looked up to you. Always. You always fascinated me. I screwed up royally and threw it all away. We're rebuilding, but trust takes time.

>You deserve more credit than you recieve. [More from me than anyone else.] I actually felt like you understood me, and vise versa. I took advantage of our friendship, and, again, fucked up. I realize now what a big deal that one mistake was. Consequences. I'll always be here for you.

>You mean so much to me. Remember those empty rooms we used to say we could, in each other's company, stay entertained in? I want that back. I miss that.

>The feeling of inexistence comes sparingly, but when it hits it lasts. I wish you realized what you friendship means to me. Just know I'll stick around past all those you hold closest.

>I have to say, I never thought you'd really go. Things relating to you are high on my stack of things I should have done: things I should have said, or shouldn't have, and hugs I was too afraid or embarrassed to give. I have so much left to say to you. I hold you directly repsonsible for the way I am now, for better or for worse.

>I always thought you were the most real one. The one who didn't do things because you'd get attention, or a giggle. The one who reminded me of myself in too many ways. the one I respected, and was nervous about befriending. I hope it continues.

>Our friendship didn't last. I feel completely repsponsible. When they left, you were there, but when they came back, I left you. We communicate through comments, and messages on auto responses. We wave our 'hello's and e-mail our problems, or best wishes. Is this how it always was and we didn't see it, or is it a development?

>I truly do not understand why you love me. It's like that 'when pigs have wings' saying: it doesn't make sense.

>You seem uncomfortable around me, and I think I annoy you. Maybe it's in my head, or maybe it's real. I don't think I'll ever know.

>Ah, and you. You will be there forever. As will I. We know this.

>Our friendship bounces. We talk, we don't talk. It's always in extremes, but still all right. It's like we both aknowledge the silence and move on. We don't always plan these times accordingly, but we've made it this far.

>You're not as cool as I thought. You're still incredible, but my hopes were far too high.

I need you so much closer.

DAVE HAS NO LADY.

2004-02-02T14:38:00.000-07:00

Half days are the best.

Had only Morgan been there could it have been better.

To Befenit Thunderbird's Gay Straight Alliance

2004-02-01T20:02:00.000-07:00

This Saturday, February 7, 6:30 p.m. - midnight
Aux Aesthetic Sanctuary (5th Ave. and Van Buren)
Featuring:
>~~The Jazz Combo~~,Grace Boulyard, Christie McCullom, Leah Koestner, Forrest Cutrer, Albe Lienhard, Eddie Rodriguez, Rooftop, & A Mute Soliloquy
>>Student art
>>>Information galore

Just fuggin' go, ya hear?

I have listened to this song 1,900,000,000 times.

2004-02-01T01:32:00.000-07:00

the atlantic was born today
and i'll tell you how:
the clouds above opened up
and let it out.

i was standing on the surface
of a perforated sphere
when the water filled every hole.
and thousands upon thousands
made an ocean,
making islands
where no island should go.
oh, no.

those people were overjoyed;
they took to their boats.
i thought it less like a lake
and more like a moat.
the rhythm of my footsteps
crossing flood lands to your door
have been silenced forever more.
the distance is quite simply
much too far for me to row
it seems farther than ever before
oh, no.

i need you so much closer
i need you so much closer
so, come on, come on

Death Cab For Cutie - Transatlanticism

The problems with easy solutions.

2004-01-31T23:09:00.000-07:00

I have this growing list of regrets.

I am always too quick to move on, or too slow to catch that boat I seem to, infallibly, miss. My opportunities pass in blurs, and I've dismissed that fact until recently. I am beginning to realize that things can't be undone. That 'sorry' isn't an inalienable cure.

I am beginning to realize that every choice has a consequence.

I roll the window down, and then begin to breathe.

ALSO for a touch of humor--
Buddyhead's review of Thursday's War All The Time:

"You turn your back for 5 minutes, turn around, and there's a gazillion kids latched onto this mall-emo crap, and now everywhere you turn this 8 foot tall, gap toothed mongoloid is whining about his life like a 4 year old girl who lost her favorite Barbie. It's amazing to think how when Thursday recorded this album, and that whiner was in the vocal booth, besides the other tone deaf mutant band members, there had to be at least a producer and maybe two engineers in the room when these kids shit out these horribly fruity and out of key vocals onto tape. And you know one of those guys probably said, "Ummm... well... you see... I think you're a bit out of key there... maybe we should try another take? Or we can just fix it in pro tools here with auto tune." To which the entire band had to reply, "No, it's perfect. It doesn't matter that he sounds like a crying grade school girl that's reading her diary out loud, and our backups sound like we're being raped by a 7-foot tall black man. You see... we actually like it that way, and in the scene we come from, people actually want to hear this kind of shit." I'd give a million bucks to be a fly on the wall in that situation just to see the confused look on the producers face while he pondered that concept. "

Monkey Gone To Heaven

2004-01-30T17:03:00.000-07:00

I made a little excusion to Zia today. Here it is in American Express form:

Death Cab For Cutie - Transatlanticism: $15.99
Copeland - Beneath Medicine Tree: $13.99
The Pixies [who reunited!!] - Doolittle: $6.99
Joy Division [who can't reunite!!] - Substance: $6.99
Trading in old CDs: - $32.50
Thursday poster you requested a month ago and was notified by phone that it was "down": Free.

Having the guy at the counter say you've got good taste: Priceless.

Cobra.

2004-01-29T22:32:00.000-07:00

Baz0okaT0oth (10:32:17 PM): Well, I relate Shelby to you, so whenever I see Shelby, I think you
Baz0okaT0oth (10:32:25 PM): So I see car named Shelby, I think you on wheels

[Hahaha.]

I hate to say that so much more is so much more endearing with the sound turned off.

2004-01-28T23:41:00.000-07:00

My father told me the story of my parents' double marriage. I'd like to write a story about it, or paint a picture. My whole idea of him is thrown off now, but in a good way.

I don't like "him" anymore. I don't know when it happened, exactly, but I no longer think get that jolt when I see his shadow. I don't try to accidently run into him. I don't think of things to say ahead of time. He's just... there.

Now, you, on the other hand... I feel guilty because I'll see you and stop paying attention to anything else. This is the period of observation. It's kind of silly really. I've never actually talked to you; we've shared only waves and 'thank you's. Unfortunate.

I really don't see the point in going to school tomorrow. Half of my friends will be where I want to.

Mm, and my science fair is officially complete. Come science fair-ing if you'd like to see some quality crap-ola. [Oooh. Oxymoron.]

I'll be spending the waking hours working on my balloon boy. Damn skin color. *shakes fist*

I quipped Mr. Fran-fran today. It felt refreshing.

Born in a hotel room and -damnit- died in a hotel room

2004-01-27T17:35:00.000-07:00

So maybe not so silly.

Not much has canged since the last I've written here. I mean, minor things have happend, but nothing life-altering.

Caffenine pills have no "hypering" effect on me, but they leave me feeling faint hours after consumption. The pill was completely pointless.

Oh, and Jon made me a copy of the new Incubus CD which was very nice of him. It's awesome.